Mourning Memphis: Grey Ladies, Stages of Mourning Fashion

There was a strict protocol for mourning dress for those who could afford it, but even the financially-strapped tried to observe some semblance of bereavement. First Mourning lasted for one year and a day. Widows wore only simple matte black, no shiny jewelry, including diamonds, and wore a black crape veil. The mourning veil was worn over the entire head, including the face for six months then pulled back from the face for the remaining six months (and one day). Second Mourning lasted for nine months in which the veil was removed or not, according to social standard, less matte black was worn. During Third Mourning, or “ordinary” mourning, darker grey graduated to shades of light grey and silver. The fabrications were more fancy, including velvet and silk, accented with black wraps and veils (per social custom). Accents of shiny jewelry and trim were also acceptable. Finally Half Mourning was adopted and lasted for a final year. The return of color (purple, maroon, dark green, and deep blue) was socially accepted, accented with shiny jewelry and trim. The fashionable widows sometimes announced their return to the social circles with a Lavender tea, a formal gathering which she appeared in her lavender toilette.

Note: To complicate the already dizzying array of rules, the fashionable set certain rimes for each period of grieving, depending on the relationship of the deceased to the family. Thus it was simpler and less expensive to have only dual use colors in ladies’ frocks and forego the introduction of red, yellow, and some blue color tones. These colors most often appeared as ball gowns and formal occasion dresses.

Mourning Memphis: Elliott Fontaine Dies

I take a personal interest in Mr. Fontaine for many reasons...and have learned that we have many similar personality traits and tastes.  In many ways I "am" Elliott Fontaine.  I'm somewhat of a socalite, I entertain and enjoy the company of close friends and family.  We were both born days apart in July (88 years between) making our characters eerily alike.  Mr. Fontaine and I both share the appreciation of old scotch, rich tobacco, and anything chocolate...(not necessarily in that order).  He had an eye for detail and kept a casual journal called The Daily Reminder, thus inspiring this blog.  My plan today is to lay flowers at his grave today, stargazer lilies...as I'm sure it was a favorite.  Thank you, Mr. Fontaine...may you rest in peace.

ELLIOTT FONTAINE DIES.

Funeral of Young Business Man Will Be Held Today.

Elliott Fontaine, youngest son in one of the old families of Memphis, died yesterday at the home of his mother, Mrs. Virginia Fontaine, 680 Adams Avenue. Mr. Fontaine had been ill but a short time. Early last week he came home from his day’s work at the Union and Planter’s Bank complaining that he was tired out and was feeling the bad effects of a heavy cold, which was later pronounced to be grippe. Pneumonia rapidly developed and resulted in his death yesterday morning.

Mr. Fontaine was paying teller in the savings department at the Union and Planter’s Ban, in which institution he had been employed for a number of years. His father, the late Noland Fontaine, was a member of the firm hill, Fontaine & Company, cotton factors and commission merchants.

Mr. Fontaine was popular with a wide circle of friends and acquaintances in Memphis where his whole life had been passed. He never married, but made his home with his mother.

Mr. Fontaine is survived by his mother, Mrs. Virginia E. Fontaine; two brothers Noland and Edward, and four sisters, Mrs. W.W. Taylor and Mrs. M.I. Meacham of Memphis, Mrs. William H. Carliale of Chicago and Mrs. Russell T. Clarkson of Little Rock. Noland Fontaine was out of the city at the time of his brother’s death, but arrived home last night.

 

Funeral services will be held at the family home, 680 Adams Avenue this afternoon at 3 o’clock. Rev. W.D. Buckner, D. D. rector of Calvary Church, of which Mr. Fontaine was a member, will officiate.

Pall-bearers will be Messrs. Yates Welleford, Addison Tate, Frank Bragg, R. J. Semmes, Jr., Rufus Armistead, Roland Darnell, Dr. Foutaine Moore, Ramsey Beauchamp, Oilmer Winston, and Meacham Stewart.

The Commercial Appeal

September 27, 1918

Mourning Memphis: The Grieving Widow

The widow (or widower) isolate themselves from the funeral and interment. Usually accepting calling mourners in a formal parlor adjacent to the funeral parlor rather than succumbing to deeper grief in the company of others. To ease the pains of loss and bring calm, blackberry brandy was often shared with callers throughout the day and night.

Customarily, the widow’s veil must be worn over the face and dress, simple and black. At the end of three months she may wear the veil lifted off her face. This deep veil must be worn for a year and she must remain in mourning fashion no less than two years. Although in the American South, widows may have worn black for a shorter period due to the extreme heat. In the tropics, a widow’s mourning would have been solid white. Many widows never return to gay colors, some wearing mourning the rest of their lives.

A widower wears mourning for a year, only. His mourning must consist of a black suit, black gloves and necktie, and a deep weed on his hat. Those very punctilious in such matters, wear black edged linen and black studs and cuff buttons.

Children wear mourning for a parent one year. It seems an unnatural custom to put very small children into deep black, even for so near a friend as a parent. Children’s clothes are generally trimmed with black, using removable ribbon and accents.

Mourning Memphis

Black crape is placed upon the door or bell knob, as an indication that the pale dread visitor has entered the home, and borne away another prize. Mirrors are draped in black cloth and the clocks had been stopped inside the home at the time of passing.

When the funeral is held at the home, the family do not view the remains after the people have begun to assemble. Just before the clergyman begins the services the mourners are seated near the casket, the nearest one at the head, and the others following in order of kinship. If it is possible, they are placed in a room adjoining, where the words of the service can be heard. They are thus spared the pain of giving way to their grief before strangers.

“FUNERAL PRIVATE” has caused many to remain away from a funeral, let they intrude. But it merely means that the interment will be private, only a few near friends accompanying the remains to the grave; but at the services all who choose to come will be welcome.

It is no longer the custom to watch the dead…an excellent omission, for many of those vigils were unseemly in their mirth. Some friend or relative sits up in order to give the dead any attention necessary. The preparation of the deceased is always attended by some kindly friends who are not members of the family, and that agonizing duty is spared the afflicted ones. It is more thoughtful for someone to volunteer to remain with the family, through the long sad night hours. It makes the grief and loneliness of the house less oppressive.

BURY AGED MEMPHIAN, A VICTIM OF LONG ILLNESS

The funeral of Noland Fontaine, Sr., who died late Saturday after a long illness, was held from his residence, 680 Adams avenue, at 3 o’clock Monday afternoon.

Following were the pallbearers: Active: Gibson Radcliffe, B.L. Mallory, B.G. Lee, Martin Speed, Fontaine Martin, K.D. McKellar, W.P. Brown, C.W. Metcalf, Jr., S.W. Portlock, J.M. Scruggs. Honorary: J.E. Beasley, R.A. Speed, S.P. Read, W.R. Mallory, H.M. Neely, Hunsdon Cary, W.J. Crawford, J.M. Fowlkes, J.S. Douscomb, F.F. Hill, C.B. Brooks, J.F. Holst, J.F. Hunter, J.A. Omberg, Peter Tracy, S.A. Pepper, H.L. Buckingham, R.E. Lee, R.W. Upshaw, A.H. HilJoblin, O.H. P. Piper, R. H. Vance, W.D. Wilkerson, John Phillips.

The following gentlemen have been appointed by the Hernando Insurance company: O.R. Polk, John R. Pepper, F.M. Norfleet and Paul Dillard.

Mr. Fontaine was 72 years old and left his widow, Mrs. Virginia Fontaine, four daughters Mrs. William W. Taylor, Mrs. W. Louis Meacham, of Memphis/ Mrs. William B. Carlisle, of Chicago and Mrs. R.T. Clarkson, of Little Rock, and three sons, Noland Fontaine, Jr., Edward and Elliott Hill Fontaine, of Memphis.

He was born July 6, 1840, in Terre Haute, Indiana, and came to Memphis from Louisville in 1861 at the age of 21 years. He soon became a member of the firm Williamson, Hill & Co., one of the first big wholesale grocery and cotton firms established in Memphis. Later the name was changed to Hill, Fontaine & Co. Napolean Hill, who died two years ago, being a member.

Three years after he became a resident of Memphis Mr. Fontaine married Miss Virginia Eanes.

At the time of his death Mr. Fontaine was a director of the First National bank, the Union and Planter’s Bank and Trust company, Merchants Compress and Storage company, and the Hernando insurance company, and heavily interested in many other business enterprises in Memphis and the South.

Board of directors of the Union and Planter’s Bank and Trust company met in special session Monday morning to take action in regard to the death of Mr. Noland Fontaine, who had, for many years been closely identified with the success of this institution, as one of it’s directors.

A handsome floral tribute was sent, and the following member of the board were selected as honorary pall bearers: G.T. Fitzburgh, F.M. Norfleet, J.M. Dockery, W.C. Early, Harry Cohn, R.L. Jones.

A committee, consisting of F.M. Norfleet, John R. Pepper and J.M. Dockery was appointed to draft appropriate resolutions in memory of Mr. Fontaine.

In addition to the honorary pall-bearers, practically all of the directors attended the funeral services in a body.

Press Semitar

September 16, 1912

Chopin - Marsz Pogrzebowy / funeral march

Here's something that I just had to post. The next two weekends should bring a flurry of activity from both worldly and otherworldly. And, of course we have a soundtrack that is both beautifully macabre and oddly familiar to "lingering" souls of the mansion.

September is the month most commonly associated with the yellow fever epidemic of 1878 for most "Memphis history buffs". It was reported that nearly 200 Memphians died daily, having lost to "the plague" during this fateful month. Accounts of the chapel bell at Elmwood Cemetery rang day in and day out...nonstop.

September was also a mournful month for the Fontaine family. Three members of the family died in the mansion, though years apart, during this month. Interment in the Fontaine family plot, #266 Miller Circle, Elmwood Cemetery.

Seward Fontaine (11 mo) September 27, 1886

Mr. Noland Fontaine (72) September 16, 1912

Mr. Elliott Fontaine (34) September 26, 1918

 

A Different Light

Here's the chance to see the WF like it's never been presented before!  I've posted many images here on the blog from the late afternoon and evening, always commenting that it's something that "can't be explained".  The light changes everything...the mood of the entire mansion changes!  Especially now, with the current mourning exhibit on display...a sense of mystery and the unknown.  Magical moments of light and shadow...only to be seen.  Deep details are enhanced and the air becomes very still.  I invite you to join us for this special opportunity!  A charming "repast" reception for local photographer Karen Gainey Auburger (whose image below is an example of how she captures the odd light from the port hole windows).  This image was taken from her personal collection and will not be featured in the show...I just liked it!

“Mourning Memphis” Twilight Tour

Friday, September 16

7-10PM

A special "after hours" tour inside the WF. Dimmed lamps and veiled mirrors will greet guests for an enchanted evening fit for the most mournful. Highlighting “Mourning Memphis”, exhibit of 19th century mourning customs currently on display through November 6. A charming “repast” reception complete with grim period readings and beautifully dark “Elmwood Cemetery” images on display by local photographer

Karen Gainey Auburger in the cellar to end the evening.

Suggested donation: $15

Please RSVP via facebook or by calling the museum 901-526-1469